The Religious Are So Amusing!

The Religious are so amusing!
with their funny little ways,
Their alms, their psalms, their jihads,
and their witchipoo flambées!
Their brooms, their bowls, their bells,
their books devoted to the dickens,
Their passion plays, their judgment days,
their sacrificial chickens!
The Religious are so amusing!
with their supernatural notions,
Their inquisitions, superstitions,
martyrish devotions.
How I like their long, stern faces!
“Don’t do this” and “Don’t do that,”
And I like the funny man who wears
the funny pointy hat.
The Religious are so amusing!
Look! They’ve books without errata!
They’ve incantations, flagellations,
they’ve even got stigmata!
They’re very big on virgins –
the priest, the monk, the nun,
And other sorts of masochists
who don’t much like much fun.
The Religious are so amusing!
and I think it’s simply swell
That they’d rather go to church
on Sunday morn than go to hell.
They like to make a racket,
then pray quietly in their pew,
But they hate it when you sneak right up
behind them and yell “Boo!”
The Religious are so amusing!
at all naughtiness they scoff,
And if you have a foreskin,
then they’ll prob’ly whack it off.
They look so smugly sad
at the misled, the damned, the liar,
For all but them are doomed
to boil in Satan’s deep fat fryer.
The Religious are so amusing!
with their celestial bosses,
They like grape juice, unleavened bread,
and people up on crosses.
Sometimes they ring my doorbell,
then beneath my bed I hustle,
And stroke my little Darwin fish
and pray to Bertrand Russell.
The Religious are so amusing!
they love things pecuniary,
From art to coffers full of gold
to tacos shaped like Mary.
Bedfellows, ne’er! With unbelief
and skeptical codswallop,
Trustworthy faith is proof
and sluttish reason is a trollop.
The Religious are so amusing!
I just think they’re simply super,
And in no way do I mean to be
a celestial party pooper.
It’s the skeptic who’ll be stunned to find
religion’s not a fraud!
And shocked this doggerel’s holy writ
penned by Almighty God.

Posted by: Almighty God

Excerpted from Dwynwen's Feast by I. H. Smythe